Why You Want to Improve Your Listening Skills

Poor listening skills

Imagine that you go to a job interview. You enter the room and the interviewer asks you to sit. He or she asks the first question, but before you can answer, the person interrupts you to say something or ask another question. Poor listening skills.

We've all be in conversations like that. One or both parties have poor listening skills.

Here are the signs of a poor listener:

• Interrupting the other person
• Little or no eye contact
• One-sided conversation

You get the picture. But a good listener is the opposite. This person makes those he or she speaks with feel important. They feel as if what they have to say matters to the listener.

And there is good news. Listening skills can be learned.

Before you can learn good skills, you have to know what they are. What makes a good listener?

Good listeners...

• make eye contact.
• seldom interrupt the person speaking.
• respond appropriately to what was said.
• use open body language.

Eye Contact

Particularly in Western cultures, eye contact, or looking someone in the eye, is seen as a sign of honesty. This is because of the "eyes are the windows to the soul" mentality.

Other cultures, such as the Japanese, perceive eye contact as a sign of boldness or intimacy that is reserved only for those who already know each other well. For the purposes of this article, the Western mindset will be used.

When another person is speaking to you, it is important that you look them in the eye. Don't stare into their eyes the entire time, but make a point of establishing eye contact often.

Interruptions

Have you ever been on the phone or in the middle of a conversation and someone interrupted you for something really minor? If you have children, this is almost inevitable when you are on the phone. It is also distracting and frustrating.

This is true as well when you are in a conversation with someone and interrupt the speaker. What you are telling that person, by interrupting them, is that what they have to say is not important enough for you to let them finish.

Monitor yourself for a day or two. Pay attention to how often you interrupt other people when they are speaking. Try to consciously keep quiet until the person has finished. It is not easy to do. We are often caught up in our own thoughts and want to share them. To be a good listener, though, your focus should be not on what you want to say, but on what the other person is saying.

Responding

Give and take is the nature of conversation. When you are a good listener, you hear what the other person is saying and respond to it in the appropriate way.

Many of us assume we know what the other person will say and respond to our assumption. A better way is to really listen and then repeat back to that person what he or she just said. This doesn't mean to repeat it word for word, but to reflect their statement back to them.

Here's an example:

Joe: "I was excited when the boss announced that I had been chosen for an award. 'Perfect Attendance' wasn't what I was expecting, though."

Meg: (reflecting Joe's statement) "So, you were glad to win an award, but that wasn't the one you thought you won?"

Joe: "Exactly......"

From the above example, Joe knows Meg heard what he was saying. At first, using this technique may make you feel like you are making people repeat themselves. That is not the case. Instead, you are able to clear up simple misunderstandings immediately and make sure you and the other person are on the same page.

Body Language

For many people this is the hardest part of listening to master. We don't think about the signals we are sending with our bodies when we are in conversation. Much of it is unconscious.

However, certain movements and positions communicate all on their own. For instance, arms crossed over the chest are a sign that a person is not receptive to the conversation. A better stance is to have the arms at the sides or hands folded in the lap.

When you are listening to someone, are you leaning toward or away from them? Leaning toward them indicates interest. Leaning away is the opposite. It is like having one foot out of the door. You are unconsciously saying that you want to get away from the conversation.

These are only two examples. Body language is an area of study all in itself. You can visit here to learn more.

Good skills are crucial in your personal and professional life. At work, good listening reduces mistakes and misunderstandings. It also shows that you care about your work.

Listening is a key to your success!